Off and On-line
A Reasonable Approach to Screens
Have you heard about the Offline Club that started in Amsterdam in 2022 and has become immensely popular across the Netherlands? When you socialize at this club, you give up your phone “to a fancy looking lockbox, committing to spend the next few hours unplugged”. When I heard about it a few months ago, it resonated and took me back to my early parenting years.
And then I came across this thread from a 2021 episode (Parental Burnout and a Reasonable Approach to Screens) on Janet Lansbury’s podcast:
? Mary’s Question:
Is any kind of screen time bad, or mostly screen time that is media consumption or games for kids? What happens when you are a work from home parent whose work is largely done from a computer? I do a lot of programming for work, and before that I spent my days typing grad school work and my dissertation.
I have my three month old with me during my work days which for now isn’t much of a problem. But I still have to put inn a few hours by the time my toddler is home. There was a point in which the toddler was watching stuff up to an hour a day, and with the help of dad we were able to cut it down, but certain times dad isn’t there.
There comes a point where my eldest just wants to be with me, having not seen me all day. Since grad school, what I have done is set up an old computer or tablet without internet connection and opened up a word document, paint app, or calculator to play with. He learned to type, maneuver the apps, etc. The paint app on the tablet was how he learned to write letters, explore colors, etc. as well. I’d check on him repeatedly since he was right next to me, and he got to feel like he was doing “work”.
I figured that if I made computers something to master rather than merely for passive entertainment, I could avoid many of the pitfalls of screen time for children in a world full of screens while teaching him that the computer is to be used as a tool rather than for mere pleasure.
Is this sort of thing ok to do, or is there something about screens that makes this also a bad idea?
MY RESPONSE
Hi Mary – this response is long after your question was asked, however as part of my research for my Substack article on my podcast for babies, I’m reading JONATHAN HAIDT’s book The Anxious Generation.
I for one appreciate your screen as “tool” rather than as “pleasure” philosophy. It’s why, when our children were young, when we finally got a TV, we always kept it in a closet, only bringing it out for use for specific reasons – as a tool (yes which gave pleasure) rather than an ever-present invitation to engage with it rather than the people and environment.
I would love to know how things have progressed for you with your little ones. 🙂 Thanks – Librarian and Baby Podcaster, Miss Pam!
? Kate’s Question:
I’m wondering if you could talk about how to introduce screens when the time comes. My two kids (ages 5 and 3) have been screen-free until my older son entered kindergarten this year where he has seen his first tv shows and movie 🙁
Now he’s interested in seeing more and while I’m not planning to introduce anything just because he’s asking, I do feel like he deserves more than the “not yet” I’ve been telling him for a while now. And we are trying to figure out our plan moving forward.
Thanks!!
Hi Kate - Your comment and question really resonates with me. I’m a grandma of two – ages 1 3/4 and 3 3/4 – those quarters matter so much :). Mom and Dad have a tv and tablet-free home. Mom, particularly is screen-averse, not only for the children, but also for herself; – dad is more flexible but on board with the current restrictions. BUT what to do when school is the place where they actually get the exposure??
I suggest, when the time comes (is it here?) , it is better to introduce it as a tool, and find ways to use it, and to keep it physically away until needed. Just like the mixer or the vacuum - bring it out, use it and then put it away.
As a mom, when we finally got a TV, I insisted on keeping it in a closet only bringing it out for a specific reason and a defined amount of time.
I’m convinced that geography matters and now, as I’m dealing with my own dependency on my phone, I leave it at home when I take a walk, leave it off and across the room or in another room at night.
Over a decade ago, I entered a Middle Eastern restaurant and noticed that a family of 6 or 8 were sharing a meal. All their phones were piled up at one end of the dining table and they were all engaged in animated conversation. That image has always stayed with me.
As we continue to wade through this complex topic, let’s remember that this is worthy of our attention, not just for our children, but for ourselves.
Warmly,
Pam
[*Substack - see *Peanut Butter, Podletter 🌺]
(Thanks to @janetlansbury for always spurring great conversations!)
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